Dear Eli

Dear Eli,

On the eve of your first day as a kindergartener there is much I want you to know.  But unfortunately if I start to talk about it I will cry, and I don't want you to see that so I'll just write it for now.  Since the day you were born, I knew you were special.  There's a charisma about you that just shines.  When you were little, you were very busy.  I sheltered and protected you as much as I could to keep you safe.  You've grown into such a charming and kind little boy.  And I am so proud.  I will not worry about you while you are at school, I know you will great.  Make new friends buddy, and do not shy away from new experiences.  The world is so big and so awesome - all of it is yours to explore if you choose.  Remember when you are fearful that God is with you and watching over you.  Lean on what we've taught you when your faced with challengers beyond your control.  And lastly, remember that we love you unconditionally & forever.  It's time for you to soar- I cannot wait to see just how high you can fly. 

All my love, 

Mommy 

Kindergarten Round 2

"Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." 

Here's my almost kindergarten boy.  The years have FLOWN.  I am not looking forward to sending him off to elementary school. Not one tiny bit.  But I know he will be awesome and all will be just fine.  There will be lots of tears on September 10th.  Oh be still, my heart. 

Smile

This summer was great & truly awful at the same time.  We experienced a very tragic & traumatic loss of a family member.  I think about the very dark and horrible days surrounding that time nearly every second of everyday.  A beautiful & vibrant light has diminished in our family.  It hurts.  But because of it, I'm a better mom now than I have ever been before. 

It's sad really; this lesson I have found myself discovering. But it's good also. Because of the awful- I have had more fun with my kids than I ever thought possible.  Because of the awful- I have made time to sit and listen to my new reader read chapter books out loud.  Because of the awful- I find joy in wrangling 3 kids at the grocery store despite the chaos.  Because of the awful- later bedtimes and extra candy doesnt seem like such a big deal.  Because of the awful- I was reminded just how important it is to love big everyday. 

I don't know why bad things happen.  Telling my children that another young person they love and adore will never be playing with them again was difficult.  The life lessons this summer were abundant. Live big. Laugh often. Love with your whole heart.  And no matter how hard life may seem, always wear a smile. I'm thankful to Lexi for teaching us this. Xoxo

Best Time of Life

Now that spring is on the horizon, we've been spending more time outside.  And it has been so FUN.  Every year gets a little easier, and this summer will likely be the easiest one yet.  While I find myself enjoying the fact that the kids have all become more independent, I miss them needing me.  Make sense? Yeah, I don't understand it either.  Right after Toby was born, I really struggled with him being my last infant.  Everything I do with him, I do for the last time.  When we left the hospital, I cried (and I HATE hospital stays).  I cried when his umbilical cord fell off, when he stopped nursing, the day I threw away his bottles, during our last ECFE class, when he started sleeping alone in his crib, when he learned to walk... I did a lot of crying with Toby.  But I particularly remember a time when I was newly postpartum and crying to my mom about how this part of my life is over- that she gave me the best advice.  She said, "It's sad to not have new babies, but it's pretty cool to watch your own daughter become a mom.  Or see your son accept his diploma.  And to watch as your children's dreams slowly come true.  This isn't the best part of your life, Kim.  It's only the beginning of it."  I didn't understand that back then.  But I'm starting to get it now.  I'll always miss snuggling a baby at bedtime.  But the feeling of joy I get when I watch one of my children accomplish something they've worked really hard at is not even comparable to that.  Listening to Breena read and finding "I love mommy" notes on my bedside table is pretty awesome.  Watching Eli break a board at Taekwondo and seeing the size of his smile is gratifying.  The day Toby learned to write his name he felt invincible and told me he is a "humongous" boy now.  It's the little things that make this life so great.  I do a lot more crying now than I ever did before kids.  In a few months, I'll only have one preschooler left- the thought of it makes me want to throw up.  I'm so proud of all of them and their little/big accomplishments.  Even on the long & trying days I can honestly say that Mom was right.  This is still just the beginning of the best time of my life thanks to the 3 most incredible little people (& their daddy of course)!

It's been 6 months since I've visited this blog. It's about time for an update!

Breena
Despite a rough start to kindergarten, Breena is now thriving.  She does well in school and has made several friends.  Breena stays busy with dance class during the week.  She loves to read and recently discovered a love for Dr. Suess books.  She has grown up SO MUCH this year.  I miss having her little; but I love the young lady she's becoming.  She's caring, sweet, intelligent and kind. This summer, she will be doing soccer again.  She is a great little player and it's so fun to watch her!  I'm ready for summer to come, I miss spending all day with her.  This year has been a hard adjustment for us but I think we've got it figured out now.  Summer can come anytime.

Eli
Eli attends school every day.  He loves it.  This year eli gave TaeKwonDo a try and enjoyed that too.  Currently he is in gymnastics- and does great!  He's out strong boy, that kid has some big muscles!! He's learning his letters and starting to write short words.  Eli's favorite thing to do is to play his tablet.  So we have to carefully monitor how often he plays! This summer, Eli will be in T-ball! I'm looking forward to watching him!

Toby
Toby loves school.  He has no trouble making friends and listens well to his teachers! Toby started gymnastics and he is so fun to watch. Toby and I get to spend a lot of time together alone these days! We enjoy weekly library trips and trips to the mall.  I can't wait until we can spend more time playing outside! Toby loves his bike!

That's us in a nutshell.  We stay busy and somehow there are never enough hours in a day! I've never been more grateful to work part time!!! Warmer weather is on the way- and we are so ready!

Tomorrow is kindergarten... I can't get the imagine of this tiny baby out of my head.  Nearly 6 years old, and so ready for what lies ahead.  I'll be holding her closely in my heart tomorrow as she ventures off.  <3 

To my soon to be KINDERGARTENER,

I've been dreading this day since the day you were born.  I distinctly remember laying in the hospital bed, numb from the waist down, starring at your big brown eyes and worrying that my time with you as a baby would go too fast.  I was right. It did go fast.  Every veteran mother always advises to enjoy every moment because children grow fast.  It wasn't until recently how absolutely true this is.  Tomorrow we find out who your kindergarten teacher will be, the person who will keep you safe and spend the majority of your week days with you.  It won't be just me any longer influencing you day to day.  And that's pretty hard to swallow.  I hope I've taught you everything you'll need to know to be successful school this year- being kind, having an open heart.  Today when you and I were discussing how everyone was different and special you made me so proud.  I wanted you to acknowledge that everyone is special and inside we are all the same.  I told you that you will meet lots of friends with different colors of skin or hair, you said to me "I know mom. We all have hearts".  I hope you take that with you for the rest of your life.  We all have hearts.  You are one very special little girl.  I am going to miss spending my days playing with you while you're at school.  My heart will be aching when I watch you walk Into your kindergarten class for the first time.  But I know you'll be just fine, actually more than fine.  And me? I'll learn how to live a new normal and figure out how to become a mom to my big girl instead of my baby girl.  Daddy and I love you so much.  You're going to make an awesome kindergartener.  I'll be waiting eagerly for you to come home at the end of each day to share your stories with me.  I love you, little bug.  XOXO 

All my love, 

MOMMY