I remember the Columbine massacre. I can clearly recall my mother sitting on the couch with tears running down her cheeks as we watched the news. I remember a hot lump in my throat struggling not to cry as I tried to imagine how horrifying the experience must have been. I remember being nervous to go to school. But within a short time my fears were gone and life was normal.. I also remember 9/11. I remember exactly where I was when the planes struck (sophomore biology class). I can clearly recall my teachers forgetting about their lessons for the day and carefully choosing their words as they explained to us what was happening. I remember going to church that night a&d tearfully praying. But again life resumed as normal.

Now, I am a mother. Hearing the news of yesterday's shooting impacted me far more than Columbine or 9/11. I saw the news once my kids were down for a nap. I spent those hours sobbing in front of the TV as I watched hysterical parents, terrified children, and an emotional president flash across the screen. I found myself on my knees, praying, but not really know what exactly to pray for. I laid in bed and cried during the late night special about the massacre. I hugged my children. The families of the Sandy Hook shooting have been on my mind constantly. But then I had to go to work. I walked into the familiar salon and notice everything is the same. I'm greeted by my co-workers and make small talk with clients. No one mentioned Sandy Hook. It struck me as so odd that my world goes on, unaffected while across the nation 20 children are being laid to rest. That's 200 fingers that won't open Christmas presents this years, 40 eyes that won't sparkle on their birthday, and 20 little hearts who will never know what it's like to raise a family. I felt guilt being at work today and acting like nothing major had happened. It could have been my child. But it wasn't and I am counting my blessings. My heart is bleeding and my stomach is sick. I want to avoid the news, however I feel an obligation to watch and let my emotions take over. I'm at a loss on where to go from here. Being a mother has changes me, made me more sensitive, and allowed me to see the world differently. While I'm sure in the coming weeks Sandy Hook will no longer be at the forefront of my mind, I am determined not to allow my heart to forget. I continue to pray for all those involved, the losses are incomprehensiblep.